Once upon I time, in the early aughts, I was a frequent reader of Salon.com. I frequented one particular section where anybody could submit their writing. One submission was a short story. It has stayed in my memory for 20 years and I regret, TO THIS VERY DAY, not saving it.

Here’s the problem, I can’t remember the name of the writer nor the title of the short story nor the date I read it. I can describe the writer as possibly middle-aged white woman with maybe short blondish hair and maybe dressed in a cream or yellow suit.

Even though I have nearly zero interest in mythological monsters (as in vampires and werewolves) and the supernatural, this one story has me in it’s grip. Possibly because many werewolf stories are about men and the “beastly” nature of men. I think of this story often, even fantasizing about directing it as a movie. I have no interest in directing anything, but this story because the world of cinema needs more were-women.

The story revolved around a woman who’s a werewolf who has control over when she transforms. Her struggle is this: the longer she goes without transforming and killing, the more physical pain she suffers. She’ll suffer more, and more pain until she transforms. Transforming into a werewolf and killing actually gives her relief from the pain. She is doesn’t take pleasure in the killing, but has to in order to alleviate her suffering. It’s like she experiences a “transformation cycle” instead of a menstrual cycle.

The woman ends up in a symbiotic relationship with a cop who knows her secret and will give her victims. In essence, the cop is “feeding” her people like child abusers, known criminals, and dangerous people.

I loved the story and wish it were turned into a movie or a tv series and I’m frustrated that I did not save it. I hope, someday, to find that story and the name of the author. Lesson learned: if you read and love something online, make sure to save it offline. Don’t be like me, not saving and then regretting it for 20+ years.